Phone Phobia

hone phobia. Am I the only one who suffers from this malady?





What is it about me and phones? Well, for one thing, there's that old canard about using a phone with wet hands during a storm and getting struck by lightning. But no. I know that's just an old wives' tale.









It's something else. Something that makes my heart begin to pound when I have to make a phone call. Something that makes me sound awkward and on occasion, say really dumb stuff I'd had no intention of saying. Other times, I just sound low-key to the point of appearing rude and uninterested, though I AM interested, or would be, if I could just get over my stupid fear that I'm going to say something stupid and I'm going to do it any second now.



Not long ago, a cell phone company representative came to the house to sell us on a new plan; one that trumped the plan we have with our current provider. The representative was able to access the number of minutes we spent on our phones during the past month. Dov: 397 minutes, Me: 14 minutes.

Me, I like to TYPE. I am a different creature online than I am in person. But as bad as I am in person, a little shy, a bit awkward and fidgety, on the phone I'm barely human.

One of my kids developed a little routine. He says, "This is Eema (Hebrew for mom) on the phone," and then he paces back and forth manically going, "Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh..." and all my family members laugh because, while I had no idea I paced when I make phone calls, apparently I do and this mimicry is (apparently) an uncanny imitation of my phone call behavior. I began to notice that what the Hell, I DO pace manically (maniacally!) back and forth when I'm on the phone. Freaky.

Still, onward and upward as they say. I aim for self-improvement and I know this phone phobia thing is a bad, bad thing. I need to get over that: get over myself.

So today I picked up the phone and called my friend Leora and asked if I could come by to hang out and shmooze for a bit. As we're arranging time and so forth, in the back of my head, there is this voice saying, "She's probably incredibly busy and the last thing she wanted was drop-in company."

Now I have no idea why my brain does that: fills in blanks that probably aren't even there. But I'm glad it was Leora I called. I called her for a reason. You see, I know Leora really, genuinely likes me. And that helps me not be so afraid to put myself out there with her.

So I walked over to Leora and we chatted for awhile and it was FINE.

Yet I know the next time I pick up the phone will be no different. I'll still think I'm imposing myself on someone's busy day. I'd like to pat myself on the back and think it's just because I'm so ultra-considerate of others, but that would be a lie. I don't know why I am afraid of the phone and making calls.

Someday, maybe I'll figure it all out.